the Big Kid - Mommy cries at daycare

Yep, I'm pathetic, can't even drop my kid off a daycare, "school", without crying. This is why the drop off is normally Alex's job. However, due to work conflicts Alex was not able to drop Jason as school today and therefore it fell to me.

Now, on his very first day of school, I dropped Jason off. I left him with a very nice teacher, but Jason was crying. I held the brave face, "you'll have a great day, buddy!" I said, "I'll be back to pick you up soon!" I closed the door of the classroom and walked away swiftly. As I made my way towards the door of the school the further I walked away the worse I felt until finally, I broke down crying. This was my baby that I had been with almost every moment for the last 18 months! I must have looked pretty pathetic because the director of the school came over to hold me while I cried. She said to me, "this happens all the time when people drop off for the first time." Therefore, reassured that I wasn't a complete basket-case I pulled myself together, apologized for crying all over her, walked to me car and proceeded to cry until I pulled into work.

Okay, that was over a year ago.

I've dropped Jason off at school since without issue, well, I haven't cried. Jason usually wants to stay with me and therefore put up a fuss at being left at school. I walk away but hang out for five minutes, sneak back to peek in the classroom to see that he his happily situated with a book, car, etc.

Today was the first time I've dropped Jason off in his new "big kid" classroom. He just moved up to a classroom this week wherein they use the "big kid playground"; which is, apparently, infinitely more fun than the playground for the wee ones on the other side of the school building. We pull into the school parking lot this morning and I get Jason out of the back of the car talking about how great it will be to go to school today and doesn't he want to see his friends, blah, blah, fully expecting the usual meltdown... oh no! he spies the big kid playground and notices his classmates on the playground. "I want to go to the big kid playground mommy!" "OK buddy, we have to go through the classroom to get there!" Leaving behind color blankie of all things, Jason runs to the door of the school, through the door, down the hallway, into his classroom and to the door that leads to the playground. "I'm going to go see Moira" he says, and runs off to play on the slide. Ms. Lori is teacher says, "Hey looks, it's Jason!" Some of the kids come over to say hello and before I can say goodbye, Jason's in the thick of things. Now, I know I should be ecstatic that he loves school and his friends so much, but as I walked out of the school tears came to my eyes, because all of a sudden Jason is a "Big Kid".